A mothers pain.

  

The break up.

I feel like we should see other people, 
Not that I love you any less than you love me but our relationship is feeble,

And It’s clear,

That after all these years

Of growth and tears, 

That comparability is just something we now, seem to lack, 

Something we let go and can’t get back,

And I’m gutted it has come to that.

But with the constant bickering and constant fights, 

I can’t imagine you could continue to be part of my life.

And like I said I don’t love you any less,

But sometimes I wish you were dead, 

But other times I think you are the best, 

Thing,

that has ever come into my life, 

But the spark is gone and they say lightening never strikes the same place twice 

And I have tried. 

And yes, you have too, 

But neither efforts are enough for us to see this never-ending storm through.

Let’s face it this is something that’s been brewing for months, 

Maybe even a few years, 

I would be lying if said I hadn’t had my fair share of tears.

You say something I don’t like and I get the hump, 

You say I make you miserable,

Vice versa..

then I question is this really a real view of love,

And if it is, what ‘love’ seems to be,

Then clearly this isn’t healthy for you or me.

And like I said I couldn’t love you any less, 

But every time we lay side by side in our bed,

I just can’t seem to get it out of my head, 

That this is no longer where I wish to be,

And slowly this is killing both you and me.

And although we pretend like it isn’t all doom and gloom,

The emptiness of our relationship is present in every room.

The thickness of this rainy cloud that has hovered over us for so long, 

can no longer be ignored.

And I just can’t commit to you or this ‘relationship’ anymore. 

Finally. She closed the door.

She really thought he would of fought a little, not just for her, but for everything they had built, but truth be told he felt the same.

Situationship?

Disclaimer:

The content of this post has not been tested, thus does not apply to every person(s).

So I’ve been asked by my readers to explore the nature of a well known socially constructed term amongst us young beings known as a “situationship” which seems to have derived from the unfortunate result of a relationship with the other sex, which although consists of some of the qualities of a “relationship” lacks an official title between the two participants for whatever reason. It is often confused with dating which in my opinion is the final stage before an official relationship.

FIRSTLY, understanding the difference between dating, being in a situationship and simply being a BOOTY CALL or FWB.
Ok so let’s just clarify what I mean by the above, because many people, predominantly women fail to understand when their relations with the opposite sex falls into one or the other categories listed above.

So let’s address the booty call (friends with benefits) category first of all. This term is used to describe a male or female that is only beneficial to the other being for sexual pleasures. They only contact one another when sexual urges arise and both understand that neither participants are looking for a long term relationship with one another. This is a MUTUAL agreement there for neither participants can claim to be led on or used once the relationship comes to an end for whatever reason. If you happen to catch feelings in the process then my friend that is your own.
In some cases there is a victim and this occurs when one of the participants is oblivious to the intentions of the other person they are having relations with.
With that being said it is important to understand the following when deciding wether you are CONSIDERED as someone’s booty call.

1. If this person never makes time for you and the only time you actually get is a hour session (if your lucky) indulging in sexual activities then my friend you are a booty call.

2. If you don’t hear from this person often and when you do, it’s to find out if your free and free not to go out to eat but to come over then your a booty call.

3. This person never really asks how your days been and is satisfied with talking to you once a month or so after you’ve had sex? Booty call.

4. Only blows up your phone when you change your display pic to one of your back looking hella fat? Can you guess? BOOTY CALL.

5. When you have caught feelings and try to tell them but they do not make it clear that the feelings are not mutual but also do not say anything that could damage their booty call relationship with you. AGAIN BOOTY CALL.

Many people end up in these never ending booty call situations because they tend to ignore the RED FLAG indicators which are mainly the above. Especially when they like the person and they want their gut instincts to be wrong, so you end up tolerating certain behaviours on the basis that one day you will get commitment from the other person but the majority of the time this is something you’ll never gain. And in the end you have wasted your precious time.

In some cases people are very honest and can be straight up about their intentions with you *round of applause* for these individuals because the language of honesty doesn’t come as a second nature to some of you nowadays. So when this applies to knowing you are friends with benefits, you should understand that all of the points above “the booty call indicators” I will call it, should not effect you emotionally as you AGREED to have this type of relationship with the other being involved.

Despite having a mutual agreement most women tend to think that they can alter a mans intentions with them, I’m here to tell you baby girl you are wrong. Even if you have been friends with benefits for two years his intentions to keep fucking you will remain the same! You should never associate time with a man being genuinely interested in you! Besides you cannot consent to fucking a man whenever you or he pleases then when you catch feelings expect him to wife you. In his eyes your probably not wifey material and therefore you will find that after your confession of feelings for him things go completely left.
SO before we proceed if you have decided to take on the role of a booty call PLEASE do not, when you have caught feelings blame the other participants for “leading” you on because your simply a mumu and should of cut all ties when these feelings developed.

Now we can address a situationship and dating. First of all in my opinion DATING is the stage before a relationship that holds all the qualities of a committed relationship but no official commitment has been made YET.
And a situationship is one similar to the above but complicated due to certain conflicts whether that be past relationship interference, insecurities that strain the relationship preventing it from progressing and being complacent.

So here’s the difference between not being wifed in a situationship VS the dating stage.

In most cases boys do not commit to a female for 2 main reasons:
(I may be wrong but from critical analysis these seem to be the most common)

HE IS NOT READY – They are still playing the field and want to explore their options even if you seem to be the perfect candidate to be the girlfriend.
^ This is where you end up in a “situationship” where your fucking, catching feelings, spending time together but going absolutely no where fast.

Situations do not benefit anyone and in the end someone gets hurt. Usually one of the participants is still attached to someone in their past and just wants you to be on standby or to act as their REBOUND when things don’t go according to plan. You ever been getting to know someone for a few months, fucking and whatever and then they start moving left and you hear they have rekindled stuff with their ex? Yeah that.

But when dating, if a man takes his time usually:

HE WANTS TO BE SURE – he wants to make sure that this person he commits to is the right girl to do so, understandably nobody likes to waste their time.

It is always obvious which of the above reasons the guy your seeing hasn’t committed to you yet. If it appears to be him not being ready and still playing the field then honey that is a RED FLAG. That clearly means he wants the best of both worlds and it doesn’t matter how much you like him there are plenty guys out there who would be all about you and that just means that you need to move your cute ass along because you are no option. HOWEVER if you are certain you are only seeing eachother and he takes his time to make it official APPRECIATE THAT. 
I appreciate a man that takes time with his female, that takes time to get to know her in every state because guys who do not want you long term DO NOT and WILL NOT make the effort to discover you. I mean you could be a crazy bitch and time needs to reveal that. A man who takes his time displays patience this should not be overlooked because there are some real hungry niggas out here who don’t wait for shit all.

So do not apply pressure to your relationship just because a man is waiting for the right time to make you his. He needs to know that you hold the right qualities of a wife and even a mother to raise his kids.

THERE IS NO RUSH. And a title doesn’t mean shit when a single nigga can be more loyal to you than a guy that’s been with his woman for how many years.

OBVIOUSLY if he takes more than a year to make it official he’s taking the piss but what I mean to say IF ITS NOT BROKEN DO NOT FIX IT.

If you are in neither of the positions above this goes for ladies and men, I advise you to find yourself! Discover your worth so that you attract and entertain people who are only worthy of your time, with that being said enjoy life, stay cute and make your money.

if you feel like your situationship is not going anywhere it probably isn’t, and if whenever you try to address the “what are we” conversation and nothing is made clear then your probably being fed bullshit, if a man wants you its only logic that he tells you and shows you how much. And if he doesn’t then walk away.
“Men are natural predators and tend to go after what they want, if you are not what a man really wants then he will not go hard for you” 

Relationships.

*everything’s open to criticism but I’m wise beyond my years and have practiced everything I write because I wouldn’t preach to my readers a lifestyle I do not follow.*

Welcome to my free write on my views on what’s essential for a healthy relationship and things that apply to life in general.
COMMUNICATION:

 

Forget your pride. “If he doesn’t message me first I won’t speak to him/her” – first of all this mentality doesn’t make any sense. Ideally if your seeing someone or in a relationship your going to want to speak to your other half regardless of the weather, your mood, the time, the day ect you get my drift. So why in the hell must we complicate things without valid reason. Communication doesn’t need to be as complicated as people seem to make it, a simple “how has your day been” is standard in a normal healthy relationship.
Secondly. “Must I talk to you every day” 

Stay away from a being who makes you feel like talking to you everyday is a massive effort because it is far from such. Those people are temporary, they don’t want to deal with you long term. If you don’t feel the urge to communicate with me at least once a day then forget it.

If you care for someone naturally your going to want to check on them everyday.

Lastly, Unfortunately none of us have developed the skill to mind read as of yet. Therefore TALK to your partner. They upset you? TELL THEM. They made you happy today? TELL THEM. Do not leave your partner to play blues clues or whatever it is, to figure out why your feeling the way your feeling. It doesn’t make any sense and it sure isn’t a way to maintain a healthy relationship.

LADIES:

Talk. Do. Not. Nag.

After about 2 years of shouting at my ex I began to realise that shouting doesn’t actually penetrate their minds. They just get fed up of the sound of your voice and then they ignore you. And then you think they have listened, then they do whatever you moaned about again, and before you know it your shouting again and it’s a pointless cycle.

You have to deconstruct your argument and pitch it in little dosages, nobody listens when they are being shouted at especially when it’s a shouted speech.

TRUST:

if you do not trust one another how do you trust that your relationship will blossom?

Ok so I’m the type of female that gives you enough rope to hang yourself, I’m very trusting unless you give me a reason to feel otherwise. For instance, I will not check my mans phone because to be honest I have better things to do. What he chooses to do on his device is none of my business vice versa. But what I do care about is what he does in my presence, how he treats me in front of other people and most of all a man making a fool of me to other women, with that being said whatever is done in the dark shall come to light, thus if my man is entertaining other women, trust I will hear about it one way or another.

Trust damages relationships everyday, it could take 5 years to build it and seconds to loose it. This is why it is extremely important that if you cannot trust someone you walk away. You cannot sit here day in day out wondering what they are doing 24/7 while they are just out there living guilt free due to a mistake they feel they are forgiven for because it was in the past. If you can’t learn to forgive them completely then let it go! It’s ok to do so, because it wasn’t YOU that didn’t consider how their actions would affect you in the first place.
SEX: 

In my opinion is the most spiritual way to connect with your other half. Eliminate the sexual part and actually pay attention to their body, their pleasure points, how you make them feel, how they respond to certain things you do. While the mouth lies the body certainly doesn’t so listen to it. Sex is a very spiritual thing and often we become selfish and only focus on the pleasure we get from it. But have you ever had sex with someone then immediately regretted it? Sometimes without reason? Like after your done the sight of the other person almost makes you sick? That’s spiritual imbalance, where an negative spiritual exchange has taken place and either person has lost or gained a spiritual current.

“Sex is not the foundation of a relationship” indeed it’s not, but is it important? It really is. Have plenty of it! And I mean plenty, like in the morning, before work, after work, even a quick one before dinner. (Excuse me if you don’t have a high sex drive 😂) Adding spice to your sex life goes a very long way. EXPLORE. Neither parties want to end up bored, so try new things, new positions, role play, you name it. Nobody likes a boring being in the bedroom. &TALK ABOUT IT. Ladies & Gentlemen. We ALL think we know the opposite sexes body, but truth be told most of us don’t have a clue. So why not guide one another? You don’t like it from the back? Let him know, his finger game wack? Let him know, guide him! Same for you boys, if there’s something she’s lacking in the bedroom let it be known, take her out of her comfort zone. None of us are psychic so if you don’t express how you feel then, you’ll suffer in silence. Overall, show eachother new things. If you can’t laugh about it during/after, then your sex life’s a tad too serious and you need to loosen up.

FRIENDSHIP:

This is essential. I really don’t see a relationship lasting long if you haven’t established a friendship with your other half. Usually this comes naturally with compatibility but if it doesn’t then maybe he or she isn’t the one? Just because you want someone doesn’t mean they are right for you!

You need to be able to confide in one another, mess around, enjoy one another, relationships shouldn’t be all emotions and no fun. There needs to be a balance. This person who you decide to devote your time to needs to be your best friend. They need to understand you. They need to respect you.The fascinating thing about human beings is that we have the capacity in our minds to know someone as well as we know ourselves and that is a beautiful thing, do not discredit your ability to do so, because it takes a lot effort to really know someone.

“Treat relationships like you would a garden, if you plant a seed and you want your flowers to flourish, you water them. A relationship cannot be functional without the right love and care. When you stop watering your plants eventually the garden you worked hard for in the beginning will die”
TIME:

“Timing is essential, we cannot rush greatness” take this quote in and digest it. Apply it where needed because it contributes to the significance of understanding when it is the “right” time for certain things in our lives including a relationship. Sometimes we are just not emotionally and logically ready for it and that is OK. We need not rush what we want to dedicate our time to because time is precious! and this is very important.
So do not be mad at a man who has not made you his wife, he clearly isn’t ready. And if he is not ready but you are then he may not be the man for you. You may also not be the woman for him. This is where I encourage beings to listen to the currents of the universe. Everything shifts according to the “right” timing, and no matter how much you go against it, it will always come back to you that you should have paid more attention to timing and whether it was the right time to commit to whatever it is you wanted.

It is ok to be single! It is OK to be alone, to find yourself, to love yourself, to understand your worth so that when “potential candidates” for relationships come into your life you know who you deserve and who needs to be left alone. When you learn to appreciate yourself you learn to appreciate specific qualities in others. Obviously this comes with “timing” and experience and more time practice.
HAPPINESS:

Ok so nobody gets with someone to be miserable most of their life. So why the hell do we tolerate beings who simply drain your happiness. Have you ever felt like someone is just a burden. Like they have anchored you to their sorrows? Yet you refuse to let go because you feel like this is just a phase and you will get past it? Yeah usually your wrong. And this phase lasts for what feels like an eternity and you sort of start to wonder what the hell attracted you to them in the first place. If someone doesn’t ENHANCE, not bring you happiness, because you should never depend on another human to bring you such. LET THEM GO. It’s ok to love from a distance and sometimes people need space to grow! So let them. Moving on should never be a painful experience it should be a lesson. You’ve closed that chapter and now your going to write another, why does that need to hurt so bad? It doesn’t. It all boils down to how you choose to interpret events that have occurred in your life and how you choose to let them have an impact on you. Usually when a relationship fails it’s because this person threatened your happiness, which should be everyone’s ultimate goal in life to achieve so why would you let someone’s inability to contribute to such make you sad?
PRIVACY:

I get it we are a generation who crave confirmation from social media. You wanna post pics you wanna talk about how great he or she makes you feel and you even vent to your followers when your mad but HONEY, baby cakes, sugar puff, the world doesn’t need to know the in and outs of your whole relationship. It’s note cute and generally people don’t care. Respect your privacy and keep certain stuff to yourself. If you argue with your man and your first response is to complain to people who know nothing about your relationship then you need to reevaluate your situation babes. I mean if a man is constantly upsetting you then maybe you need a new one right? It’s also better to keep your private life lowkey because a lot of people get thrills off negativity and before you know it your relationship is ruined over what? A few retweets?

Momma always said never hang your dirty laundry out to dry and you sure as hell should never let people know when your home isn’t happy because that’s when other people get involved and it could go tits up from there.

CHEATING:

If he/she cheats, walk away you deserve better than to deal with someone who would risk everything they have built with you, for a fling with someone who knows nothing about them or has done nothing for them or worse with someone they have been cheating with over a long period of time. If someone ever has to choose between you and someone else let them be on their way with the other candidate because you are not an option and you DESERVE BETTER.
*drops mic*